V-Day

For a hopelessly romantic person like me, today, Feb 14th, is my favorite day. The TV is overwhelmed with romantic flicks guaranteed to end in an epic aww moment. A day where every two hours, I will experience joy-sadness, laughter-cries, love-loss only to repeat it again in the next reel. It hasn’t always been my favorite day though. In fact I didn’t know about Valentine’s Day until I was in my teens. This year feels different. I think it is because I have finally found my favorite love story.

I first learnt about Valentine’s Day when I was in middle school. It had not been even a year since I had been in America. I barely understood English let alone understand the meaning of Valentine. I vividly remember sitting in a classroom surrounded by kids wearing pink/red and I had no idea why but I knew I had missed the memo. Teachers gave out extra smiles and extra treats and there were hearts everywhere. Once the bell rang that day, teacher must have asked everyone to do something because for next one hour, everyone worked on something I did not fully understand. An hour later, I clearly remember she said something but only two words made sense “Time” and “up”. Shortly after, I saw everyone getting up and handing out cards with hearts on it. I didn’t give out any that day nor did I receive one. That was my first experience of self-love, or rather lack of. The Journey from that girl to the woman writing this today is my favorite love story. 

I have experienced many types of bountiful love in my life time of which each can stand as their own unique love story. Combined, they stand to be flashbacks to my favorite one of all.

Parents’ Love: I grew up in a very conservative household in a town stuck between yesterday and tomorrow but not exactly today. On one hand, I had a grandfather who did not believe in educating woman. He discouraged my parents from sending my sister and me to private English medium school and encouraged them to pull us out of school after elementary. On the other hand, I had a grandfather who sent my mother to college and encourage woman literacy. Most of my Dad’s family considered my parents to have been cursed for having twin daughters. But, BUT, my parents loved us, saw unconditionally potential. I remember me wearing my mom’s saree and pretending to be a teacher just like her. To this day, I try to be more like her; strong and intuitive. She was my first female superhero.  I remember joyful rides on my Father’s cycle/scooter hanging on his father belly for my dear life and would sit for hours watching him play volleyball. He was the first man I ever loved.  My parents might not have given us all but they gave us all of what they had. My father in law loved me as a daughter and our camaraderie never carried the word “in-law” . My mother in law, through her critique, taught me to be humble. My aunts and uncles who loved me as their own child and encouraged me to be true to myself. My Grandmothers; one grandmother I never met but I am told I look like and the other I adored and am told I am much like in my demeanor.

Sisters’ Love: Because of my twin, I have never been alone and because of my younger sister, I have always had a companion. My twin is the reason why I married my soul mate. You see I trusted her judgement more than my own. After all, she has known me since my first heartbeat in my mother’s womb. My younger sister is the reason why I love my soul mate so profoundly. She is the reason why and how I know how to love. She celebrated me, gave me long hugs and insisted that we share a pillow and a blanket every night. After a day of feeling rejected by my classmates for wearing different cloths, smelling like curry and having dark hair on my arm, my younger sister was a soothing balm on my broken heart. I have wonderful female cousins and sisters-in-law of which I am honored to call my sisters. I count on their shelter and their warmth when this world feels cold.

Brothers’ Love: Most know that I don’t have a brother yet often times, I cause confusion when I refer to my male cousins as my brothers. This is because they have never let me feel as though I don’t have a brother. One in particular have stolen a piece of my heart and have yet to return it. His unconditional love and respect have made me feel safe, as though nothing I do will make him walk away from me. At times, he has pushed my buttons and have been my punching bag so that I don’t self-destruct.

Friends’ Love: Oh my, this pool of friends is mighty. It is said that friends are family you choose and by that definition my family is vast. As I was growing up in a small town on the eastern part of the world, I never thought my soul sister will be a blond southern all American girl, my “American Honey”. Or that I would find such profound friendship with a woman I met only once who is now my lifelong pen pal that is states away from where I currently reside. I am blessed with a friend who was a great companion and walked along side me through my first pregnancy and continues to be companion as we work through tribulation of motherhood. I felt the warm of her mom’s love where even a simple comment like “I love these biscuits” lead to her saving me one because I was too busy making pancakes for the rest of the class.  Some of my best friends live in other states like Boston or Atlanta. They are forgiving where they excuse my long period of absences and welcome me back as if we have never missed a day. I am blessed and thankful beyond measures.

Leadership’s Love: I have been under the same leadership for over a decade and I can honestly say, I love my managers and I think they loves me too. How fortunate am I?! Not many of us get to say that and mean it but I do get to say that and actually mean it. The trust, respect and confidence my managers put in me motivates me to put forth my best each day. They allow me the space and flexibility to experience, handle and enjoy life.

Husband’s Love: This is possibly my favorite role in life. I absolutely love being my husband’s wife. I vividly remember when he first smiled at me. The warmth he carried in his demeanor. The respect he showed when he first looked at me. the genuine words he spoke in our first conversation. Perhaps, what I found most unique was that he was like that with everyone. Our marriage is as real and raw as it gets and because of that, we are no different when we are alone vs when we are in company. He has empowered me, built me up, tolerated me, respected me, and loved me. Most importantly, he has accepted me for who I am. He has pushed me to be emotionally independent, to be my own advocate, and encouraged me to self-love. At times, I find him in front of me and guiding me, at times behind me and encouraging me and at times beside me as he helps me through my journey. He is the love of my life.

Love as a mother: My greatest legacy will be my two children. They have been my lighthouse when riding the waves of stormy sea, they have been my anchors on the calm waters and have been my sun and shade simultaneously. They taught me the importance of self-love. My heart expanded with love and joy when I had nieces and nephews. Rediscovering world through their eyes has me appreciating the simplicity of it all. 

Oftentimes, I feel as though I am that girl in that classroom on my first year in the U.S. So naïve and vulnerable, though now I feel empowered with a wisdom that comes through the journey to self-love. My favorite love story is journey to loving myself the way I am.