An Approval

First thing in the morning, before the world sees us, we put ourselves through scrutiny as we glance in the mirror. We seek out pores and flyaways. We pull on our cheeks and tug on our chins. We twist and turn, stretch and bend…hoping to find a flattering side of us that might give us the courage to wear favorite jeans and sleeveless top. As warm water drenches our bare skin, we think about who all will see us, who all we will talk to and how we can shape their thoughts and perspective. We go through our jewelries, looking for that perfect piece that draws attention away from the pimples and the wrinkles. We spend our time prepping meals that our family will love, only to resent that same meal when we sit in front of it and ready to devour it. We attempt to numb our hearts by a glass of pinot noir except now we find ourselves tipsy enough to stand in front of that same dang mirror, wearing lingerie hoping to find the courage to initiate intimacy. Afterwards, in place of feeling content and loved, we now lay there wondering “What did the world think of me today?” Really…what the world thought of you?!?!

You started the day with you and your thoughts and you ended the day with you and your thoughts. So why are you worried about what the world thought of you? Why are you not once wondering what you thought of You?!?! I believe it is because throughout our life, we seek approval from those around us. Professor Jennifer E. Landsford, PHD at Duke University once stated “From birth, infants pick up on emotional cues from others.” As babied, how we feel and react to given situation is determined by our caregiver(s)’ smile or there lack of. We spend our childhood attempting to be a good kid in our parent(s)’ eyes. Throughout our adolescent years, we want approval by our peers and once we are adult, we try to conform to what is a good spouse, a good parent or a contributing member of a community. We seek approval for our existence, if not from society then from God. The real question then is, are we seeking the impossible? Can we feel the approval at all times?

I believe we can! The one thing that we live with, longer than anything or anyone else, is ourselves. The very being that created a bug whose butt lights up (aka fireflies) is the very being that created me. Yes Me!! He has already validated my existence. I serve a purpose. Therefore, the only approval that should matter is my own. And so, I must liberate myself by giving just that, an approval. I have assigned myself a task and encourage you to try this: Next time, when you see yourself in the mirror or in a photo, find one or more things you love about you. Throughout your morning routine, revolve all your decisions (clothing, jewelry etc.,) around that one or more favorite thing(s). After any social interaction, in or outside of your home, remind yourself that one thing you liked about you. When you go to bed that night, tell me what you thought about. Was it what the world thought of you or was it what you thought of you? There is so much good that can come out of feeling good about yourself. I’ll save that for my next blog.

Wishing you enough,

~A